I am co-hosting the Love Blog Challenge today. The prompt is “Compromise.” I’ve shared the prompt list for the rest of the month below but also feel free to head over to Brita’s Introduction Post for more details and ideas for each prompt. We’d love to have you join us!

Ah compromise. I believe that’s a word that not many people want to hear. It’s got somewhat of a negative connotation and doesn’t jive well in today’s on-demand culture of selfishness and individuality.

Additionally, I’ve both read and witnessed that men are less likely to want to compromise and women are more likely to give up their own wants for the sake of compromise. I don’t know if that comes from the idea of submission in marriage or what, but I think it’s sad. In a marriage, this kind of thinking leads to resentment on the wife’s part and often the husband doesn’t even know anything is wrong.

Why Compromise has a Negative Connotation:

I personally think the main reason people are so turned off by the idea of compromise is because they think they have to give something up for the sake of the agreement. Right? Compromise means we both give something up to meet somewhere in the middle.

Nobody wants to have to give things up all the time for the sake of their marriage. And while that is unavoidable, and something you promised when you said I do. And while I believe things worth having don’t come easy. And I believe that the well being of the couple as the base of the family should come before individual wants (wants, not needs). I also believe most small things couples disagree about can be resolved with neither party having to give up very much.

A Couple Somewhat Silly Examples:

When we moved to Oregon and had a road trip across the country, we spent a full day in Las Vegas. I wanted to spend the whole time on the strip taking in the sights and sounds of the city. But Pearson wanted to go to Hoover Dam, which I could take or leave. So we decided to spend the morning at Hoover Dam and the evening on the Vegas Strip. I think we were both glad we did! I was surprised at how interesting the dam was and I think he was surprised at how fun the strip was. And I also think we wouldn’t have enjoyed either as much as we did if we spent any more time there.

We also have to compromise on the temperature of our apartment. I am usually colder than Pearson is at any given time. Since it’s easier to put more layers on than take them off, we usually meet somewhere in the middle where he is comfortable in shorts and a t-shirt and I am comfortable snuggles in a blanket.

How to Create a Positive Compromise:

ONE || Affirm your partner’s needs.

Each persons needs are legitimate. It’s so important to remember this. Sometimes your needs, or even your wants, can seem more important than your spouse’s but that’s just not true. His or her needs are just as important as yours, so they should be taken seriously when coming up with a compromise.

TWO || Learn about your partner’s interests.

As I said, your partner’s needs are important. One of those needs is the need for recreation and hobbies. And part of that need is the need for recreational companionship. If your spouse has a hobby that you have absolutely no interest in, maybe compromise and show a little interest. Spend some time and energy learning about it.

THREE || Communicate clearly.

Communication is key. State what you want clearly. Don’t beat around the bush. How can you expect your spouse to meet your needs if they don’t know them. Also, it may help to add why you want it so they can understand your side a little better.

But communication goes both ways. Be sure to listen to their wants or needs as well. Don’t guess or assume you know what they want or why they want it.

FOUR || Come to a win-win.

With all this in mind, you should be able to come up with a win-win situation. One where neither of you has to give up very much. And maybe your solution will actually turn out better than what either of you had in mind to begin with. Just like our Las Vegas situation.

FIVE || Write it down.

Once you’ve come to a compromise, especially if it’s something that comes up often, write it down. Did you decide on the perfect way to split up household chores? Or perhaps a dinner schedule? Write it down. Make it official. Refer to it often. And don’t slip back into old habits.

Here’s to making more compromises that both parties like and don’t have to give up too much for. Have you made difficult compromises in your marriage? What are some compromises that turned out better than expected?

Thanks for reading! And be sure to link up any “Compromise” posts below!

Meet Your Hosts:

Brita Long is the pink and sparkly personality behind the Christian feminist lifestyle blog, Belle Brita. On her blog and social media, you’ll discover more than authentic storytelling–she’s brutally honest about pursuing a fulfilling and joyful life even with Crohn’s Disease and depression.

Alessia is a lifestyle blogger, and writer with a post-graduate degree in History. She lives in the best borough in London, up and coming Croydon. She’s a bit like Emma Woodhouse (Pemberley Digital version) and no longer the most eligible Catholic bachelorette, as she has found her Mr Knightley in sunny Derbyshire.

Charlene is a 20 something wife and fur-mama living in Portland, Oregon. She’s a follower of Christ, watcher of SciFi, reader of fantasy, singer of show tunes, and lover of her husband! She uses her blog, Enduring All Things to help couples build a marriage that will endure whatever comes their way.

Finally, the Link Up: