You guys know the Eric Church song “The Hard Way”, right? As I thought about this week’s TGBTL prompt over the weekend, this song was playing on repeat in my head. I thought I’d add it here so you all can join the party, too!
So if you haven’t guessed, the prompt for this week’s Girl Between the Lines linkup is “Share a life lesson you wish you learned earlier”
As I said, I spent a LOT of time thinking about this prompt. I thought about doing something funny. I thought about talking about my middle school days again. But finally I decided to talk about my relationship with Pearson (even though I wrote a similar post earlier this week), because this blog is supposed to be mostly about our marriage. I came up with several lessons I wish I had learned earlier. They all are kinda tied together though, so I didn’t cheat too much.
The first lesson is, don’t take your significant other for granted. Or anyone for that matter. There are times when I forget how lucky I am that this wonderful man chose me and continues to choose me every day. I expect him to just be there for me and don’t treat him like he’s very important. This was a problem we experienced in college. During our Freshman year, Pearson and I broke up for a whole two weeks! Can you believe it? But one thing I learned from that experience was that I had been taking Pearson for granted and that he could possibly not always be there in the future. I didn’t realize what I had till I didn’t have it anymore and it hurt.
The next lesson is that communication is so important. Your significant other, or anyone for that matter [again], cannot read your mind. As much as you think they know you or they should know about you, they cannot know what you are thinking all the time. It is simply not humanly possible. So talk. Tell them what is bothering you. Tell them what they can do differently to love you better. And listen when they talk to you as well-communication goes both ways. When Pearson and I broke up, we talked and communicated more in those two weeks than we ever had before. I think with our “blinded love” out of the equation, we were able to talk about our problems better. Sometimes, in relationships, it seems easier to just ignore issues and put on a happy face because you’re in love, after all, and life couldn’t get any better. This isn’t helping anyone.
And going along with that, the third lesson is to speak kind words. Yes you need to tell people what is bothering you, but you can tell them kindly. I struggle with this a lot because I don’t like to talk about things [this goes back to the communication issues] right off the bat. If something is bothering me, I tend to keep it bottled up inside. Then when it finally does come out, it is hard not to let it explode. I learned this throughout my relationship with Pearson. Even when we were broken up, I didn’t want to hurt him. But I knew some things needed to be said so I chose my words carefully and asked for feedback.
You know, at first glance, I wish I had learned these lessons earlier. Maybe I could have avoided the pain, but thinking back on it, I’m glad I learned them the hard way. I believe Pearson and I are a better couple because of it. I think our relationship is stronger because of what it withstood in the past and I know I will not make these same mistakes again. At least not on the same scale, anyway.
