A couple weeks ago, I published a post about how it’s perfectly okay to need your spouse. The more I’ve thought about that post, the more I’ve realized it needs more. Yes it is absolutely perfectly okay to need your spouse, but it’s very important to specify what exactly we need. If I just tell Pearson “I need you” all the time, it may make him feel good, but it could also get old pretty quickly. And he probably doesn’t really know what it means if I’m not more specific and if I don’t show him.
Last week, while I was in Atlanta for #MrsMaugeriInTheOffice I just didn’t feel like Pearson and I were communicating very well. I won’t give you the details, because that’s private, but we were both at fault. I decided to just straight up tell him what was bothering me over the phone, without sugar coating anything. If I had waited a couple more days till I got home, I probably never would have told him and it would just continue to be a problem. Likewise, the issue probably wouldn’t really get resolved if I sugar coated it either.
Sometimes that’s just what you have to do for the sake of your marriage. Sometimes arguments will happen. Sometimes feelings will be hurt. But if you tell each other what you need and want in you’re relationship and you’re honest about stuff that bothers you when it comes up, you will be so much better off in the long run!
During that phone conversation, Pearson told me that he had no idea I was feeling this way and that he was so glad I brought it up! He had no idea! At first I was really surprised because it was very obvious to me. But then I remembered that Pearson is not a mind reader, he’s a different person from me, he values certain things differently, he reacts to certain things differently, and we just aren’t that much alike in a lot of areas. And that’s okay! Our marriage would probably be pretty boring if we were exactly alike!
But this is why it’s important to communicate in marriage! Marriage, by definition is two different people coming together as one flesh. Two different people from two different backgrounds with different personalities, different experiences, and different wants, desires, likes etc are now trying to live one life. There will be disagreements. There will be misunderstandings. But through it all, you have to communicate with each other and help each other understand what’s going on in each of your worlds.
Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. I’ve been there. And I’m certainly not perfect. If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know I really struggle with telling Pearson things that bother me. I would usually rather keep them bottled up inside instead of bothering him with the problem. I almost didn’t even bring up this issue last week. But that’s not good!
Next time you get frustrated in your marriage, remember that your husband is a different person and communicate your needs to him in a loving and respectful way!
Have you ever had trouble communicating in your marriage?
How has communication helped you work out issues?
For more communication tips, check out Choosing Therapy’s 22 Tips for How to Communicate in a Relationship.
Thanks for reading
