Do you have regular meetings with your spouse?
Some people call them “business meetings.” Some people call them “coffee breaks.” Some people call them “companion inventory.” Some people call them “about us dates.” I call them “couple check-ins.”
Y’all, these meetings are so important. In fact, I’ve seen article after article about them lately. Basically every marriage blogger, coach, or counselor on the internet (that I’ve found) talks about these meetings in some way. And Pearson and I could definitely be much better about them.
So today I’m breaking them down for you. I’ll give you a definition, what all it entails, why it’s important, and some tips. I’m doing the research and writing this to help our marriage and I thought I’d share it with you as well.
Table of Contents
Definition of a “Couple Check-In”:
A couple check-in (or whatever you want to call it) is a regularly scheduled meeting that only includes the two of you during which you discuss the state of your marriage as well as anything else that needs to be discussed.
Or put another way, it’s a weekly status or business meeting to discuss the business of your marriage. No, it doesn’t sound very fun or exciting or romantic. But you can make it fun, exciting, and romantic. And it’s so important. Read on. Trust me.
What a “Couple Check-In” Should Include:
During this “business meeting” you and your spouse should discuss your schedule and plans for the upcoming week. These are things you need to be on the same page about. Bring your planner along and take note! There’s nothing worse than unspoken expectations and thinking your husband was picking the kids up like he always does on Tuesdays but he forgot to tell you he has a meeting this week. Am I right? Just get on the same page.
You can also use this time to plan your next date night. Dating your spouse is so important and often gets put on the back burner. Be intentional about making it happen! Plan that time to connect.
Next, ask how each other is doing. Share your highs and lows for the week. Rate how you are doing emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Share that with each other, and listen to one another. Just being there for your spouse and listening when things aren’t going so great is very powerful!
Talk about the state of your marriage. Yeah this one might seem a little scary but it doesn’t have to be. Talk about the six forms of intimacy (emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual, financial, recreational). Discuss how you each feel you’re doing in each of the categories. Talk about how you can improve that. Also, ask for examples of how you’ve been a good wife or husband this week and how you could improve. Take the constructive criticism and don’t get defensive. Remember this is how they are feeling. Take it seriously. They still love you.
And lastly, ask some fun getting to know you questions. You don’t know everything there is to know about your spouse, I promise! There’s always more to learn. The Dating Divas have some awesome conversation starters you could use here!
Why a “Couple Check-In” is Important:
I don’t think I have to tell you but making your spouse a priority is so important. I feel like our society puts marriage on the back burner these days. Either that or they flat out neglect them.
The other day I heard someone say “If you need a book to tell you how to be married, you probably shouldn’t be married.” What? No! There are self help books out there for all aspects of life. If you’re reading a parenting book, does that mean you shouldn’t be a parent? No! If you’re reading a confidence book does that mean you shouldn’t be confident? No! Nobody is perfect and there is nothing wrong with trying to better ourselves. And marriage is no exception! In fact, I think marriage is our most important relationship and the most important aspect in our lives. Why not try to make it the best it can be?
That’s not to say marriage is particularly difficult. It really isn’t any more than any other part of life. But life is difficult. And you are two different people trying to join two different lives together. You have different personalities, values, experiences, and emotions. So the least you can do is set aside some regular time to make sure you’re on the same page, right?
That communication is vital! So many arguments and issues in marriage stem from miscommunication or unmet (often unspoken) expectations. Not to mention keeping emotions pent up inside. Make a commitment to getting them out!
Tips for Your Next “Couple Check-In”:
One: Make it consistent! If every week doesn’t work for you, fine. Do it once a month or every other week or whatever works. But keep it consistent so you can count on yourself. Make it important. Write it in your calendar in pen. Trust me, if it’s not consistent and it’s not a priority, it won’t happen. Maybe it will for a little bit but then you’ll eventually get out of the habit if other things keep taking priority.
Two: Put away your phones! (Unless you use them for your calendar – and maybe for emergencies if you left the kids with a babysitter). This time is for you and your spouse only. Give each other your undivided attention. Let each other know they are the most important person to you. You can go an hour or so without your phone, I promise!
Three: Go out! Sometimes it helps to get away, you know? Go to dinner or a coffee shop or a park. Change your scenery. Get away from your stresses and distractions. Relax. Maybe even do something while you talk. Perhaps you could go for a walk. It’s sometimes easier to talk when you’re not just sitting there in your living room or bedroom.
Links for More Reading About Couple Meetings:
Tony and Alisa from One Extraordinary Marriage interviewed The Social Media Couple in one of their early podcasts. In the interview, Kelli talked about these dates, how they do them, and why they’re important. Oh and Jason and Kelli call them “about us dates.”
The Power of a Weekly Marriage Meeting – ArtOfManliness.com
The Weekly Meeting {A Happy Marriage Secret} – CreativeHomekeeper.com
Should You Have Weekly Meetings for a Better Marriage – PsychCentral.com
Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love by Marcia Naomi Berger
So you see, these meetings could really be a game changer! I’d really like to make it more of a priority with Pearson. We’ve had a hard time making it consistent (as I talked about above) because Pearson’s schedule isn’t consistent. Here’s to doing better!
A few years ago I created a cheat sheet for our regular couple check-ins and I want to share that with you! Just sign up for my newsletter below and when you get a welcome email from me, click the “Access Past Newsletter Freebies” button to download your cheat sheet!
Do you have weekly “couple check-ins”?
How often do you have them?
Have they improved your marriage?
Thanks for reading!
A couple check in sounds like such a good idea! Much easier in thought than in practice with a toddler and baby but I think we're gonna try to start having them!
Oh good! Definitely try it! And do it however works for you.
This is such a helpful post. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years and we've been thinking about having a monthly "couple check-in" so that we can get better at communicating with one another. I think it'll really help and that every couple should consider it.
Yes it is so helpful!!
I love this idea. We have monthly ones to go over the budget but might have to do weekly ones since we are training for some runs and just to touch base with each other. THanks for sharing.
That's awesome you're training together!