Well it’s officially spring. It’s technically been spring for 3 weeks now, but in my experience it usually doesn’t really feel like spring until long after the spring equinox. But we’ve had non-stop rain here in Portland for the last few weeks, and I refuse to wear my winter coat anymore. So that means it’s spring.

Anyway, spring means a lot of good things! Flowers and rain and warmer weather and… Spring Cleaning! And when you spring clean you purge, right? I just got rid of a bunch of clothes from my closet and I let go of some coffee mugs. I’m always getting rid of coffee mugs. They seem to accumulate very quickly.

But I digress, there are also plenty of non-tangible things that can be purged from your life. So as you spring clean your home, I encourage you to also spring clean other aspects of your life. Especially your marriage!

So here are 5 things to purge from your marriage.

ONE || Grudges held from past arguments

I mean it’s obvious that holding a grudge is bad, right. I mean we’re always taught to forgive others and that holding a grudge just makes you miserable. But I feel like we often forget this in the marriage relationship.

Whenever another conflict with our spouse arises, we often remember all the mistakes he or she has made in the past. Or at least I do. “Remember that time when you did this” or “we’ve had this fight a million times!”

Yes people should learn from their mistakes but a lot of times, bringing up the past is not going to get you anywhere. When you’re in the thick of an argument, pulling out a grudge just adds fuel to the fire. Either that or it makes your spouse feel shame over something they don’t do anymore or an action they did actually learn from.

Related: How to Argue in Marriage

TWO || Expectations that come from media

Or really any expectations for that matter. Everybody’s marriage is different. Your marriage is not going to look like someone else’s highlight real on Instagram or the perfect relationship in that romantic comedy. At the same time, your marriage isn’t doomed to fail like all the celebrities we see in the tabloids.

So drop those expectations and instead focus on your own specific flaws and strengths. And build the marriage of your dreams with your one-of-a-kind spouse and your unique goals in mind!

Related: Stop Comparing Your Marriage To The Movies

THREE || Your cell phone addiction

I love my cell phone. I love social media. I think it can be used for a lot of good. But it’s an addiction. Let’s all admit that. It can be an addiction and it can be detrimental to your relationship.

Always having your phone on you and scrolling Instagram on date night or checking every notification during dinner keeps you from connecting with your spouse. Bringing that phone into the bedroom and mindlessly scrolling before bed prevents cuddling and possibly even being intimate. (Besides, looking at your phone before bed is bad for you for a ton of other reasons too).

Related: How Social Media Can Both Help & Hurt Your Relationships

FOUR || Your pride

Hear me out on this one. Have you ever been upset about something but you didn’t tell your spouse because you were ashamed? Or maybe you didn’t want to bother him or her with your petty issues.

But to have a great marriage, you have to connect with your spouse on every level. And in order to connect with your spouse on every level you have to be transparent and vulnerable with them. And in order to be transparent and vulnerable with them, you have to give up your pride. So let it go and become one with your spouse. Let them in. Let them see the real you on a regular basis.

Related: Don’t Compare Your Beginning To Someone Else’s Middle

FIVE || Perceptions of what the “perfect wife” is

We’ve all had an idea of what a “perfect wife” is in our heads at one point or another, right? This image might look a little different for everybody, but the concept is the same. We’re trying to live up to this “perfect” model even if our husband doesn’t expect anything like that. And guess what, perfection is impossible.

So let that expectation go. You can be a great spouse for your specific spouse. Maybe that looks like doing most of the cooking for the two of you or maybe it doesn’t. But it does look like loving your partner the best that you can in a way they respond to.

Related: Perfect Wife Perception (From Amberly of A Prioritized Marriage)

The point of all of this is that you should be working on your marriage regularly. Don’t get complacent. Don’t get comfortable. Don’t neglect your spouse. Don’t let these 5 things creep into your relationship. And don’t grow apart. That’s how you can build a marriage that will endure whatever come your way.

What else could you purge from your marriage? Have you done any spring cleaning lately?

Thanks for reading!