I am co-hosting the Love Blog Challenge today. The prompt is “Challenges.” I’ve shared the prompt list for the rest of the month below but also feel free to head over to Brita’s Introduction Post for more details and ideas for each prompt. We’d love to have you join us!

Pearson and I have been pretty lucky in that we haven’t faced many challenges as a couple. We did have a rough patch a few years back where we weren’t connecting very well and it grew into problem. But for the most part, we haven’t had major problems in our marriage.

However, we have both faced challenges in life. And we’ve faced them together, as a team. Life can be super hard sometimes. And many challenges that life throws at you can put stress on your marriage.

That’s what this blog is all about. I chose the title Enduring All Things from 1 Corinthians 13:7 “Love… endures all things.” I love this concept! Real, true love (the kind of love that’s a choice you make every day) endures ALL things life throws at you. But to get to that point, you have to work on your relationship constantly. Even when life is good and there are no challenges to be seen!

So today I’d like to break down five major challenges life has thrown at us and how we’ve endured as a couple.

5 Major Life Challenges:

ONE || Grad School

You may or may not know but for the first 5.5 years of our marriage, Pearson was in grad school at The Ohio State University getting his PhD in Biophysics. To say it was a challenge would be an understatement. He worked 80-100 hours most weeks and was under a lot of pressure. To say it was a strain on our marriage is also a major understatement. Here’s how we made it through:

• Communication – We constantly had to work on our communication skills. We were in very different phases of our professional lives so expectations varied greatly. Plus, his schedule was so packed and so unpredictable that communication was literally necessary for survival.
• Dates – We made regular dates happen even with tight budget and strange schedule. They were that important to our relationship.
• Listening – During Pearson’s time at Ohio State, we both learned to listen to each other. He needed to vent. A lot. And because he was around so little, I had a lot to tell him whenever we finally got some quality time together.
• Support – This one could probably go under every struggle in this list. But it’s key. We have to support each other through everything in life. We have to be each other’s biggest cheerleader. We have to let each other know we’re on their side and have their back no matter what.

TWO || Moving Across the Country

After Pearson graduated with his PhD, he got a job with Intel in Oregon. We both grew up in Georgia, went to college in Arkansas, and then spent 5.5 years in Ohio. Oregon was a bit of a change and the moving process had it’s fair share of hic-ups. Here’s how we endured:

• Pick your Battles – This is sort of a fun phrase that parent’s like to throw around when dealing with toddlers, but it can ring true in a lot of stages of life. There are just some things not worth fighting over. We found that out after enduring the stress of packing, moving (and dealing with a horrible moving company), and driving across the entire country.
• Compromise – We took our time driving across the country and saw as much as we could possibly see along the way. But unfortunately, we couldn’t see everything. And naturally, we each wanted to see slightly different things. So we had to compromise on a few.
• Spend Some Time Apart – Before, during, and after our move, Pearson and I spent a LOT of time together. It got to be a bit much so eventually I told him I needed a break and spent a day exploring our new city all by myself. It was just what I needed before I snapped.
• Remember the Positive – Like I said, we had our fair share of snares during this big move. But whenever we look back on it, we try to focus on the positives. It was really a lot of fun and we made some wonderful memories.

THREE || Finances

Finances cause some of the biggest challenges in life, am I right? Luckily Pearson and I have always pretty much been on the same page when it comes to our finances, but that doesn’t mean they don’t bring about challenges. Here’s how we’ve stayed on the same page:

• Budget together – We sit down maybe once per quarter and work out our budget together. It helps to do this on a “date.” We try to make it fun by getting our favorite take-out and focusing on our goals for the future rather than our failures of the past.
• Include a separate line item for date night – This is a big one. I’ve already talked about how important intentional date nights are to our relationship. So we have to allow for them in our budget, of course!
• Specify “spending money” for each spouse – This way we can’t get mad at each other for spending money on something we think is a waste. If they choose to spend their own “spending money” on it, that’s their prerogative.
• Consult each other for big purchases – I like to think of this guideline as a respectful boundary rather than controlling one another. Like I said, we’re a team in all aspects of life. That includes how we spend our money.

FOUR || Loss of Loved Ones

Over the course of our marriage (and our dating relationship before marriage), we’ve lost a few loved ones. It’s not a fun part of life but it’s necessary. Here’s how we’ve helped each other:

• Listen – When one of us loses a family member, it helps when the other offers a listening ear. When both of my grandparents on my Mom’s side passed recently, I shared so many stories about them with Pearson.
• Support travelling to be with family – When Pearson’s grandfather died, we traveled to South Georgia from Ohio for the funeral. When my grandmother died, we traveled to Arkansas from Oregon. When my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, we spent a long weekend with him in Arkansas and he passed three months later. There was never any question. We were financially able so why wouldn’t we support each other in this way.

FIVE || Mental Health Struggles

Just like with our physical health, everybody struggles with their mental health from time to time as well. We are no exception to that. Namely, Pearson’s time in grad school took a toll on both of our mental wellbeing. Here’s how we’ve supported each other:

• Don’t get frustrated – When you’re the spouse looking in from the outside while your partner spirals into depression, it’s easy to get frustrated and think “just be happy.” But avoiding that has been so beneficial for us.
• Help identify triggers – A lot of times it’s easier to see your spous’s triggers from the outside. If you know what sorts of situations seem to give them anxiety, voice that and help them avoid it.
• Encourage them to do things they used to enjoy – When you’re fighting depression, the last thing you want to do is pick up your hobby or go out with friends. But a lot of times, that’s just what you need. A supportive partner can help encourage you to do those things until they start to sound appealing again.
• Encourage them to seek help – Sometimes, your help is just not enough. And a lot of times, people don’t want to admit that they need professional help. So one of the biggest ways you can help your partner is by encouraging them to find a therapist or a psychiatrist and to get the help they really need.

As I mentioned before, I think the biggest thing you can do in all of these situations is to support your spouse. You are a team and you should be working together to get through these challenges. Don’t let them pull you apart!

What life challenges have you faced as a couple and how have you endured them?
Thanks for reading!

Meet Your Hosts:

Brita Long is the pink and sparkly personality behind the Christian feminist lifestyle blog, Belle Brita. On her blog and social media, you’ll discover more than authentic storytelling–she’s brutally honest about pursuing a fulfilling and joyful life even with Crohn’s Disease and depression.

Kayla is a twenty-something INFJ and Hufflepuff. She’s a full-time professional working in higher education, with interests in reading (mostly thrillers) and binge-watching television shows on some of her favorite streaming platforms. Her favorite things are coffee, Chick-fil-a, Mexican food, and cats. She lives with her husband and their furbaby, Courage, just outside of a small college town near Atlanta.

Charlene is a 30 year old wife and fur-mama living in Portland, Oregon. She’s a follower of Christ, watcher of SciFi, reader of fantasy, singer of show tunes, and lover of her husband! She uses her blog, Enduring All Things to help couples build a marriage that will endure whatever comes their way.

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