In my opinion, one of the best things about marriage is having a built-in accountability partner. According to Gretchen Rubin‘s four tendencies, I am an “obliger” which means I need accountability. I have trouble motivating myself, but if someone else is counting on me or even if I simply know that someone will ask about my progress, I get stuff done.

Your spouse is probably your closest friend and confidant. I pretty much tell Pearson everything. On top of that, I spend more time with him than any other human on earth (even before lock-down and quarantine). And we are a team committed to doing life together.

Because of all of the above, spouses have a unique privilege to hold each other accountable in their individual goals and habits as well as goals they may have for their marriage and their future together. Below are some ideas of ways to do that.

I’ve also created a free workbook you can download right here and work through with your partner to learn how you can be each other’s best accountability partner. More about that at the end of this post!

Ways for Spouses to hold each other Accountable

Personal Goals and Habits

My husband motivates me to be my best self through supporting my goals and keeping me accountable. And honestly he’s not even always aware that he is doing it. Often times, we don’t even explicitly say anything about this. I just don’t want to disappoint him. I want to be the best I can be for him. I want to better myself for him and for the sake of our marriage.

For example, Pearson and I joined an Orangetheory Fitness studio together last year. We didn’t explicitly ask each other for accountability and we never sit down and ask each other “how many times did you work out this week?” But just voicing our goals out loud and knowing when the other person skips a workout makes us more motivated to keep up with it. Not to mention, we motivate each other during our workouts too when we go together!

That’s not to say you can’t ask for accountability specifically from your spouse. In the past, I’ve had Pearson check in with me at the end of each day to see if I drank enough water, took my vitamins, journalled etc. In fact, I should probably implement this strategy again because I’ve been struggling with those daily habits lately.

And finally, your partner can be your biggest cheerleader and accountability partner with your big picture goals, too. We know each other’s career goals and discuss them regularly. We help each other make plans with tangible steps toward bettering ourselves and continuing to learn through our whole lives.

Shared Goals and Habits

There are also countless benefits of working toward life goals or forming habits together with your partner. Spouses can hold each other accountable when one is not pulling their weight in household or parenting duties. Plus they can dream up and work toward whatever they want their future life to look like together.

Financial goals always come to mind for me in this category. Maybe you’re saving up for a house or a car or a vacation. Whatever it is, help each other stay accountable with your budget. Of course, money often causes a lot of issues in marriage. So make sure you’re on the same page before you start nagging each other about spending habits.

Spouses can also work together on house projects, encourage each other to stick to a shared meal plan. Decide together what it takes to run your household and work together with a plan to make it happen.

Marriage goals and Habits

If you’re someone who sets goals for yourself and as a couple, I hope you include your marriage in those goals. It’s just as important to be intentional about your marriage as any other aspect of your life. So naturally, setting goals and forming habits with your spouse that benefit your marriage just makes sense.

Committing to a regular date nights and couple check-ins can help keep your marriage strong. We typically switch off planning these things and making sure they happen.

Set goals for intimacy or speaking each other’s love language or communicating your expectations or whatever it is you struggle with. And then ask each other how you’re doing in these areas. Be open and honest with each other and accept constructive criticism.

I really believe if spouses hold each other accountable in their marriage, they can build a marriage that will endure whatever comes their way.

Accountability in Marriage Workbook

Accountability is such an important part of marriage. It’s great when it happens unknowingly like when I just don’t want disappoint Pearson. But it’s also crucial to set up a plan to hold each other accountable in your day to day life. I’ve created a workbook that you can download right now to help with that!

The workbook contains pages where you can write out your goals or habits you want to create and also allows for space to write down how you can hold each other accountable. These pages are split into the three categories outlined in this post; personal, shared, and marriage related. Plus each section has a tracker to keep track of your goals all month long!

How do you and your spouse hold each other accountable? Do you set goals together?
Thanks for reading!